First Date

On December 1, 1980, I picked her up right after she finished a 3-11 nursing shift. We went out to eat at T. G. I. Friday's. We laughed. We've been together ever since.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is now fast approaching, April 3, 2007. It has been a not always blissful 25 years, normal I'm sure. However, there's been one constant in our time together -- our love for each other. Even though each of us split for a short period, the love was there, even without the understanding.

The understanding has come rarely quickly, most of the time slowly. One of the things I learned during our early years was that being right is highly overrated. Most things people argue about aren't worth the time or energy it takes, anyway. But I know people who would rather be right than be happy. I'll take happy anytime.

I've also learned that if one does the loving thing, no matter what the other person does, he can't lose. That came to me in the shower one day, and though I admit I'm not perfect at it, I try to do the loving thing when the opportunity arises. One can always walk away from the situation knowing he did the best he could.

Another important lesson for me has been the realization that if another person wants to argue, I can choose not to participate. What a shock that is for the one who wants to argue. It can't happen if his target doesn't join in. It makes me chuckle to think about it.

I've learned, too, that my wife's day-to-day behavior is pretty much none of my business. I'm not her daddy; I'm her husband and partner. Of course I have a responsibility to prevent harm to her, but she was an adult when I met her. And she doesn't need life lessons from me, especially from me. If she needs those lessons, there are professionals who'll be glad to take her money.

Finally, it hit me some years ago that 99.9% of what happens in the world doesn't require my attention. And I'm not sure about the other .1%. Nobody really cares about my opinion anyway. My opinion is usually least valuable to my wife! So unless I'm asked, I just don't give it. Keep your mouth shut. Try it. It's not that hard.

And by the way, we've laughed a lot together since December 1, 1980.