The title refers to basketball, though it could just as well refer to our lives here in cold, unfriendly Minnesota. My wife is home from the hospital after spending 10 days in the psych ward of a large hospital downtown. Her suicide attempt failed, but it wasn't from a lack of trying. She thought 30 prescription sleeping pills would end the pain, but we both learned that those particular pills, even though prescribed by a physician, aren't fatal, even if you take 30, which she did. So now she's attending daily therapy from 9 AM to 6 PM at that same large hospital downtown.
She'll never be able to return to the horribly stressful job she had, so our fortunes are definitely taking a turn for the worse. At least today, we're okay. And I'm taking life less than one day at a time. Sometimes I'm taking it a few minutes, an hour at a time. We have no friends in this very odd place called The Twin Cities. Neither of us find the people here very warm, pardon the pun. And almost every native I was able to bring this up to agrees with me. The people here are extremely reserved and wouldn't say hello if it brought them eternal life.
Again, think good thoughts of us as you go through your daily routines. We're both frightened about the future. And we're alone.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
However
I reported in my last posting how much a little increase in confidence and hope means to one's view of life and to one's attitude toward life itself. I had been making progress from those dark days when I considered terminating my stay on earth. However, I chose to live, to keep trying, and it began to feel better and better.
But while I was progressing, I failed to notice how much my wife was going in the other direction. Both of us take anti-depressants, and she's been aware of her tendency toward depression since she was very young. Well, with the pressures of an inordinate amount of debt (which is our own doing) and a very stressful and difficult job (it's a job for someone 20-30 years younger), she decided last weekend that she simply couldn't cope anymore.
My wife ingested a month's worth of prescription sleep medication and lay down to die. Of course, I didn't know what she had done, as I had gone to bed early. But to her surprise, she awoke about the same time I did the next day, and groggily told me what she'd done. She said that she couldn't apologize, as she didn't expect to wake up. I called 911, and followed the ambulance to a major hospital in Minneapolis which has a psych ward, and that's where she is as I write, safe for now.
As if attempting suicide wasn't enough, she then came down with such a bad case of influenza that she had to be put on an IV, and the family session that we were to begin with has been postponed twice, probably until next Monday. When I delivered her glasses and some clean clothes to her today, she was still attached to the IV and looked so tired. There aren't words to describe how lousy I felt, but I was able to return a blown kiss and state my continued love for her. I probably will take a little break now, plan little or nothing, and wait for our uncertain future to begin unfolding. And yes, I am afraid.
We welcome all good thoughts.
But while I was progressing, I failed to notice how much my wife was going in the other direction. Both of us take anti-depressants, and she's been aware of her tendency toward depression since she was very young. Well, with the pressures of an inordinate amount of debt (which is our own doing) and a very stressful and difficult job (it's a job for someone 20-30 years younger), she decided last weekend that she simply couldn't cope anymore.
My wife ingested a month's worth of prescription sleep medication and lay down to die. Of course, I didn't know what she had done, as I had gone to bed early. But to her surprise, she awoke about the same time I did the next day, and groggily told me what she'd done. She said that she couldn't apologize, as she didn't expect to wake up. I called 911, and followed the ambulance to a major hospital in Minneapolis which has a psych ward, and that's where she is as I write, safe for now.
As if attempting suicide wasn't enough, she then came down with such a bad case of influenza that she had to be put on an IV, and the family session that we were to begin with has been postponed twice, probably until next Monday. When I delivered her glasses and some clean clothes to her today, she was still attached to the IV and looked so tired. There aren't words to describe how lousy I felt, but I was able to return a blown kiss and state my continued love for her. I probably will take a little break now, plan little or nothing, and wait for our uncertain future to begin unfolding. And yes, I am afraid.
We welcome all good thoughts.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
As Spring Approaches
When I try to recall how poorly and nearly hopeless I felt just a few months back, I hardly feel like the same person. It's amazing what a little success, a little encouragement can do for a person. I've just been invited to fill out and complete the hiring package for online teaching at the U. of Pheonix, which I'll do quite before the deadline. When one has hope, one has almost all he needs. Almost.
This weekend we push our clocks forward and slide into Daylight Savings Time. But before the clocks move, the two of us will have the joy of hearing the Minnesota Orchestra again. This is a preview concert of the 2008-2009 season, and the menu is delightful: Haydn; Mozart; Beethoven; Tchaikovsky; Sibelius; Elgar; and others. It should be quite a night. And before we go to the concert, we're going to break bread together using one of several restaurant gift certificates we received over the holidays. As much as I really don't like Daylight Savings Time, I'm looking forward to Saturday evening.
As for location, location, location, I do think it matters in more than in sales. Living in this foreign atmosphere we find ourselves in puts an additional stress on us that otherwise wouldn't exist. So, while we have to face day-to-day living problems, we also carry that stress with us 24/7. We had found our home, but we just weren't sure enough, and the energy that brought us here was nothing but negative, bordering on evil, and we were blinded to the truth until it was too late to turn around. Put a good thought up for us to return to our true home, where the nearest snow is at least two hours away!
This weekend we push our clocks forward and slide into Daylight Savings Time. But before the clocks move, the two of us will have the joy of hearing the Minnesota Orchestra again. This is a preview concert of the 2008-2009 season, and the menu is delightful: Haydn; Mozart; Beethoven; Tchaikovsky; Sibelius; Elgar; and others. It should be quite a night. And before we go to the concert, we're going to break bread together using one of several restaurant gift certificates we received over the holidays. As much as I really don't like Daylight Savings Time, I'm looking forward to Saturday evening.
As for location, location, location, I do think it matters in more than in sales. Living in this foreign atmosphere we find ourselves in puts an additional stress on us that otherwise wouldn't exist. So, while we have to face day-to-day living problems, we also carry that stress with us 24/7. We had found our home, but we just weren't sure enough, and the energy that brought us here was nothing but negative, bordering on evil, and we were blinded to the truth until it was too late to turn around. Put a good thought up for us to return to our true home, where the nearest snow is at least two hours away!
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