Winding Down

In fewer than 2 days, a new year will have arrived, 2009. That number looks like something out of science fiction, but I can remember when 1984 sounded just as futuristic. I don't remember much that's memorable about the new year holiday, except that I was married for the first time on 12/31/59. I suppose that makes it memorable on a permanent basis, though that marriage ended many years ago.

I do remember taking notice of 1950 coming in as I listened to the radio (yes, radio) as the grownups talked and, I'm sure, drank. But other than 1950 and 1959, I've met the arrival of a
new year with little notice, much less excitement. Since I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm sure I was blitzed more than once on that auspicious eve. But I'm taking notice of this one more than usual because it could very well be my last one. And I say that without self-pity, more with a matter-of-fact.

Back in February 2006, I spent a month in hospital at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. I entered through the emergency room, as I was having a difficult time breathing. I wasn't there long before I went into respiratory failure and was put on a respiratore, life-support for those of you who follow "ER." I stayed hooked up for 15 days, and I feared that I might not survive. Dr Schroeder promised I would leave the hospital under my own power, and I did. The lung infection was finally diminished, and I went home to a life of oxygen use for the remainder of my time on earth.

Well, just a few weeks ago, I came down with another lung infection and was admitted to The University of Minnesota Hospital, though this time without the respirator. While I was being treated with antibiotics, a 70% occlusion in my Main Coronary Artery was discovered, and I underwent an angioplasty and received a third stent. I suffer from what is called Interstitial Lung Disease, and I will use oxygen for the rest of my life. But what I've noticed from this last infection is that my lung capacity has diminished, and it will never get back up to where it was.

In other words, each time my lungs get sick, my breathing will be affected on a permanent basis, so "getting well" takes on a whole new meaning. This will continue until there's no breath left. My particular condition just doesn't "improve." Of course, I brought this on myself with 44 years of smoking cigarettes. But that doesn't make it any more acceptable or any less scary.

Maybe I'm luckier than most in that I at least know what will kill me; I just don't know when. I don't dwell on all this, but it helps to write about it. Maybe there are others out there who are similarly afflicted. If so, drop me a line at giddocliff@yahoo.com. Happy New Year!

How Do You LIke Your Blue Eyed Boy Now, Mr. Death?

December has been, and it's only 2/3 over, a difficult month. I returned home Wednesday after 8 days in hospital, a locale at which too much of my life has played out over the last few years. On 12/9/08 I felt myself short of breath beyond normal, so my wife took me to the ER at the University of Minnesota Medical Center, as the memory of my complete respiratory failure in 2006 is yet quite fresh. I was admitted after 9 long hours, and I was soon put on a regimen of powerful antibiotics for a lung infection. Tests were run, blood was drawn, EKGs and Echo Cardiograms were performed. The medical professionals feared that my heart condition had worsened, and they were right.

An angioplasty was performed, and a stent put into a 70% occluded artery. I now have 3 stents, of which I'm justly proud, as they saved my life, a procedure that wasn't even available just a few years ago. I picked up a load of prescriptions on my way out of the hospital, and I now take what seems like dozens of pills every day. A good friend back in Los Angeles helped me out with some cash relief, and I was able to purchase them all. It's really a shame what outrageous prices the pharmaceutical companies charge for medicine that one really needs. Part D of Medicare was not our lawmakers' finest hour. But I'm alive.

This time I'm truly going to have to alter my eating habits, cut down on salt and fats. I was told that the site of the new stent must remain open. The alternative is simple: death. Although my many years of smoking brought all this on, there's nothing scarier than being short of breath and not be able to do anything about it. I'm grateful to all the medical folks and also to those who make the machines that help me maintain an acceptable level of oxygen. I wish Santa could bring me a new pair of lungs. One of my children told me that if I had made better "life choices" that I wouldn't be in this pickle. Hell, if I had made better "life choices," she wouldn't be around to criticize me.

In any case, I'm home and looking forward to a quiet Christmas. We'll dine with the other seniors here, and I'll say thank you one more time. Merry Christmas.

Almost As Bad As The Day After Christmas

You remember that, don't you? Every possible package has been opened, colorful paper and ribbons are strewn all about the common areas, and everybody seems to have sunk a little deeper down in their chairs. It happens each time we have a family holiday involving gifts. It's just a riff on the old theme, "what have you done for me lately?" You can't get rid of it. Don't try. Ignore it. Eat more. Get sick. Take a nap. But don't let the letdown let you down. Happy Thanksgiving!

Give Thanks

Here it is Thanksgiving Day about 4 A. M., and I'm temporarily awake. Today we share our first Thanksgiving meal with our new community here at Ebenezer Tower Apartments; I hope there are many more to come.

On Wednesday I received news that I had been approved for Minnesota Medical Assistance, which means that I'll be covered even better than I was with Medicare. It also allows me to choose a new prescription drug plan better than anything Medicare offers. This is truly a big deal for us, as we're now living solely on our social security income, though my wife is going to try to work here in the senior building helping set up meds, cleaning, and taking non-drivers shopping.

For so long, we've had a run of lousy luck, mainly health problems, which resulted in extreme financial problems. Since 1999 I've had two heart attacks, two stents put in my heart, spinal surgery, and a near deadly lung infection, which left me using oxygen in order to have any quality of life. And because of the spinal surgery, I walk with a cane and can walk only short distances. As I have, my wife has also suffered clinical depression, fell on her face with an acute kidney failure attack, and undergone emergency dialysis. While in hospital, she was discovered to have congenital heart failure and underwent robotic heart bypass surgery.

During none of this have we been offered any real or lasting assistance by our children, so living in a community as we do now makes such a difference. Because of contacts we've made at both senior group therapy and in the senior tower, I wound up with the aforementioned aid from the State of Minnesota. I must say that Minnesota treats its seniors better than most places, and my wife and I are very grateful. The case workers have been tireless and unrelenting in getting all the paperwork done, and I've expressed my appreciation to them.

Of course, the ideal is not to have to use any of these wonderful services, but that's not realistic. At a certain age, one's health generally declines, even if it's just a little. Mine and my wife's has jumped and begun rolling down a hill. But fortunately we're in a location that doesn't abandon its old folks. It feels funny when I say "old folks," as I just don't feel old. My mind feels much the same as it did 30 or 40 years ago. Well, that's enough pre-holiday blather. All of you have a wonderful time with food and family. And be well.

The Smoke Starts to Settle

Nothing yet seems different, but it's very, very early. The whirlwind of activities around President-Elect Obama are surely going on, and we learn about them through intermediaries and assorted aides who tell only that part of the story they want us to hear. Of course, news streams day and night, and we have to then decide what to cut off or what to listen to. Even still, some of the relentlessness of the campaign has settled, and some of us entertain some questions of how things will be. I'm certain that they'll be better! How could they get much worse!? We, of course, think about how much better things will be specifically? Will more people get to live in a 1 family dwelling? Will the economy return to even a portion of what it once was? Will we make progress in the War on Terror? Will we be able to send our children to the many fine but expensive colleges and unversities in our nation? Yes, we are wondering.

We know that dedicated people are working very hard right now to bring these positive change about. They come from a wide range of education, a wide range of competence, and a wide range of intelligence. Let us hope that Barack Obama wants around him the best and brightest he can get, not just cronies and college chums. And I also hope that these people will see public service as an honor, a chance to serve, a chance to give back to this country some of what it has given to them. Let's hope. I believe that Barack Obama wants these good things for us. So, in addition to hope, let us do what we can to bring about this better society that he talked about during this longest campaign in history.

As far as I'm concerned, one's political preferences say as much about him as anything. I know, without hesitation, that I couldn't live with a conservative, as their basic attitudes have everything to say about their attitude toward people. And it's not an attitude I could live around, much less live. I used to joke that I won't fly on an airplance if it doesn't have two left wings. While that elicited chuckles, even laughter, it's not far from the truth. I know that the television show, The West Wing, was fiction, but I could hope. And depending on what happens in real time politics over the next few years, I just might find my policitical life totally satisfied.

As Thanksgiving approaches, we can all be satisfied enough to give thanks that our government will no longer be run by unprincipled thugs and hacks and know-nothings. If nothing else, Barack Obama can bring intellect and intelligence and curiosity back into the White House and the working of government. He will surround himself with very capable people, all of whom have minds of their own. And this President will encourage their use, rather than hide from an answer he either disagrees with or from a question he doesn't understand. This is going to be a thinking man's government. It's about time.

Mr. President

Barack Obama's election this week to the highest office in the land and the most powerful office in the world was near earth-shattering. It just hasn't been that long ago when such a proposition was unthinkable, even laughable to some. But it happened, and we are so much the better for it. I was born in 1940 in Alabama and grew up (some would allege otherwise) there. The living conditions for black people was abysmal, and I don't hesitate to compare the Alabama I grew up in to South Africa and its system of apartheid. Whites in much of the American South simply had the power of life and death over black people.

I was fortunate to have had a role model, my grandfather, who never judged a human being by any measure but the content of his character. He taught me that people are pretty much the same all over, and he treated everybody with respect. But I never could have wildly imagined that a man of African descent would be elected president in my lifetime. Unless you know how horrible life could be for a black person back then, you can't know what a wondrous thing has taken place. It feels like my beloved country is getting its soul back.

Halloween Nightmare

Here it is Halloween, and I don't have the money to purchase the medications that my wife and I need. These aren't recreational drugs; these are prescribed drugs for specific conditions. I used to wonder what older people did when they couldn't afford their medications. Now I know. They don't take them. They do without, and risk their health. Of course I have Medicare Part D, but that doesn't help but a small part of the year. Then you're back to paying retail.

We now live totally on our two Social Security checks. I know that we should've planned better, but we didn't. But that doesn't mean that we're undeserving of a thoughtful, balanced, and affordable health care system, including prescriptions. The politicians of our great nation have failed us miserably as regards health care. Barack Obama says he will change this, and I hope he has the guts to push hard because greedy pharmaceutical companies and greedy doctors will be pushing back by buying more Senators and Representatives.

If we give our mandate to Obama, and it's a mandate we'll need, we then must hold his feet to the fire until we get Universal Health Care in this rich nation. Go out and VOTE! on Tuesday next.