I just finished another phase of training in the application process for an online university. It's been some time since I felt a sense of accomplishment, and even though this is a comparatively small accomplishment, it really, really feels good. As most of you know, I'm 67 years old (though I look much younger!), and I still need those "warm fuzzies." Do we ever get over our need for recognition and accomplishment? Well, I haven't yet, and I don't believe that others do, either.
I was lucky to have lived in a household in which I was encouraged and given opportunities to do things like play the piano, take dancing lessions, go to a prestigious camp each summer. This wonderful environment lasted until I was almost 14, and I looked at the world with anticipation for the future. That changed when my mother remarried, but I had it for a while. If you had an encouraging environment, you know exactly what it feels like to receive praise for the things you do well.
For the first time in many, many months, I'm looking forward to what's coming next. I'm looking forward to my new adventure in teaching. I'm looking forward to meeting new people, educated and thoughtful people to learn from. Unless one is truly debillitated, I don't believe it's ever too late to want and enjoy the next journey, to continue, to take the first step on a new path. And as much as anything else, I'm looking forward to helping my wife with our expenses and with getting us out of debt.
In a few words, I feel useful again. And for an old fart such as I, there's no better feeling. Underneath all these feelings is the hope that. debt free, I will once again drive the streets of Los Angeles, have a hot dog at Pink's, savor my pancakes at DuPar's, see a first-run movie at the Cinerama Dome. Hope is the thing with feathers.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
You Forget How Feeling Good Feels Until You Don't Feel Good Anymore
Until, that is, you feel better, which, as you know if you've been reading my postings, has been my wife's experience for the last few weeks. Her visit to her pulmonologist revealed that she has begun a slow recovery, though her breathing still isn't at 100%. And I had my scheduled visit to my pulmonologist at the University of Minnesota Clinics which revealed that I haven't gone backwards, though I haven't lept far forward either
It appears that my wife has a touch of emphysema, as do I. So I suppose that the pneumonia was a tiny blessing, as it revealed the emphysema, and she's now using an inhaler with steroids every day. As you probably know, this condition is permanent, and her shortness of breath is now a part of her everyday life. Now we both have to be careful about what we're exposed to and also keep ourselves well covered in this freezer chamber of a city!
I just received an email from a former student who was commissioned an officer in the U. S. Marine Corps just after he finished working himself through college. He sent it from Afghanistan. Being a former Marine, I'm particularly proud of him, as he attained the rank of Captain in less than 4 years. Even more important than that, he's a man of good values. He's a solid human being, the kind our country needs more of. This is his second tour in Afghanistan; between those 2 tours, he also served a tour in Iraq. I'd say he's fulfilled the obligations he took on when he became an officer in the Corps. I'll add only that he's also a proud Mexican-American.
Oh! One more addition. My student serves in danger zones; he could easily be killed. But when his Commander-in-Chief, our pitiful president, faced the possibility of serving in combat, his daddy got him into the Texas Air National Guard over others on the waiting list. And he spent the war hiding behind the National Guard and engaging in dereliction of duty. That was still a time when National Guard service almost guaranteed that you wouldn't serve in Vietnam. This cowardly president now has the temerity to send others to their deaths, others to return wounded and maimed beyond recognition.
Being someone who loves to put words on paper, I'm disturbed by the strike of the Writers Guild of America - West. Actually, I'm disturbed by the avarice of the producers, who refuse to pay the writers a fair share for material which winds up on the web and other technological outlets. It's insulting what the producers are offering. I just spent 20 years in Hollywood, and I have an idea how difficult it is to make a living writing for television, movies and other outlets controlled by the producers. I don't mind if the entire fall tv season is cancelled because of this strike. The writers deserve their share of this gold mine.
In the past, my wife and I made popcorn and settled in for the night to watch the Academy Awards on television. In the last few years of our lives in Hollywood, we were only about 2 miles from the Kodak Theater, now the permanent home of the Oscar ceremony. Though I never attended the Oscars, I knew it was coming when Hollywood Blvd just east of us was closed down and seats were erected. Don't most of us enjoy all that glitz even though few of us have anything to do with the entertainment industry? I think so. And I make the best popcorn you can find anywhere.
Well, this wasn't a particularly sharp installment, but you'll allow me the freedom to occasionally just ramble a bit and keep the "old" brain sharp. Think of us with warmth as the snow returns and the temperature falls below zero for 10 nights in a row. Brrrrrr!
It appears that my wife has a touch of emphysema, as do I. So I suppose that the pneumonia was a tiny blessing, as it revealed the emphysema, and she's now using an inhaler with steroids every day. As you probably know, this condition is permanent, and her shortness of breath is now a part of her everyday life. Now we both have to be careful about what we're exposed to and also keep ourselves well covered in this freezer chamber of a city!
I just received an email from a former student who was commissioned an officer in the U. S. Marine Corps just after he finished working himself through college. He sent it from Afghanistan. Being a former Marine, I'm particularly proud of him, as he attained the rank of Captain in less than 4 years. Even more important than that, he's a man of good values. He's a solid human being, the kind our country needs more of. This is his second tour in Afghanistan; between those 2 tours, he also served a tour in Iraq. I'd say he's fulfilled the obligations he took on when he became an officer in the Corps. I'll add only that he's also a proud Mexican-American.
Oh! One more addition. My student serves in danger zones; he could easily be killed. But when his Commander-in-Chief, our pitiful president, faced the possibility of serving in combat, his daddy got him into the Texas Air National Guard over others on the waiting list. And he spent the war hiding behind the National Guard and engaging in dereliction of duty. That was still a time when National Guard service almost guaranteed that you wouldn't serve in Vietnam. This cowardly president now has the temerity to send others to their deaths, others to return wounded and maimed beyond recognition.
Being someone who loves to put words on paper, I'm disturbed by the strike of the Writers Guild of America - West. Actually, I'm disturbed by the avarice of the producers, who refuse to pay the writers a fair share for material which winds up on the web and other technological outlets. It's insulting what the producers are offering. I just spent 20 years in Hollywood, and I have an idea how difficult it is to make a living writing for television, movies and other outlets controlled by the producers. I don't mind if the entire fall tv season is cancelled because of this strike. The writers deserve their share of this gold mine.
In the past, my wife and I made popcorn and settled in for the night to watch the Academy Awards on television. In the last few years of our lives in Hollywood, we were only about 2 miles from the Kodak Theater, now the permanent home of the Oscar ceremony. Though I never attended the Oscars, I knew it was coming when Hollywood Blvd just east of us was closed down and seats were erected. Don't most of us enjoy all that glitz even though few of us have anything to do with the entertainment industry? I think so. And I make the best popcorn you can find anywhere.
Well, this wasn't a particularly sharp installment, but you'll allow me the freedom to occasionally just ramble a bit and keep the "old" brain sharp. Think of us with warmth as the snow returns and the temperature falls below zero for 10 nights in a row. Brrrrrr!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Breath of Life
Well, friends, my wife had another follow-up visit yesterday with her physician following her recent pneumonia, and the news is not good. Her lung capacity continues to fall, even since last week's visit. So the good doctor scheduled a full pulmonary evaluation for this coming Monday. I'm sure that lack of oxygen is responsible for her continuing fatigue, and it's scary as far as I'm concerned, as I almost died from lack of oxygen back in early 2006, going into respiratory failure and living on a respirator for 15 days. She's keeping up a good front, but I know she's a bit afraid. She recently visited with her sister in Cape Cod for the first time in a long time. After that she visited her oldest friend in Florida. Fortunately, she was able to work the visits in with her work, and the cost to us was minimal, though money was really not a consideration. She needed these visits in her present state of health.
It's been obvious to me that she's thinking about her own mortality, which she finally admitted to me today. It certainly gives me serious pause, as she's the person who knows me best and who loves me most. And she knows I love her more than anyone in the world. I can't imagine my world without her, though I know than none of us gets out of this alive. If you pray, I would appreciate your prayers for her complete recovery. If you don't pray, keep her in your good thoughts. We're both taking this one day at a time, at least most of the time.
Actually, she's been having problems with her breathing for some time as many former smokers do, but she pushed on simply because we need the income. The pneumonia put an end to pushing on, as it exacerbated her existing problem. How I wish I could make her well. She's been so important to me, and I love her dearly. All good thoughts and prayers will be appreciated.
It's been obvious to me that she's thinking about her own mortality, which she finally admitted to me today. It certainly gives me serious pause, as she's the person who knows me best and who loves me most. And she knows I love her more than anyone in the world. I can't imagine my world without her, though I know than none of us gets out of this alive. If you pray, I would appreciate your prayers for her complete recovery. If you don't pray, keep her in your good thoughts. We're both taking this one day at a time, at least most of the time.
Actually, she's been having problems with her breathing for some time as many former smokers do, but she pushed on simply because we need the income. The pneumonia put an end to pushing on, as it exacerbated her existing problem. How I wish I could make her well. She's been so important to me, and I love her dearly. All good thoughts and prayers will be appreciated.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Welcome 2008
This year could just possibly be better than the last two, as I've completed the second phase of the application/hiring process to teach again. I will be scheduled for training very soon. I'm very happy about this turn of events, as it will give me more to do, and it will help us eventually leave this snow-bound hell hole. If my wife's health can be maintained, possibly improved, we could get out of debt relatively soon and move one last time.
One of the things that came out of all this recent uncertainty is that one's life is certainly more easily managed if one has hope, something to look forward to, something to plan for. Now that I'll be working again, I again have that hope. I very grateful for this opportunity at my age. And I'm truly pleased to help remove some of the burden from my wife's shoulders. Her doctor's visit last Friday kept her off work for at least another week, but she's slowly coming around. So, even if she has to work less (if the company will allow it), I'll have income to make up for it.
Don't let anybody every tell you that age doesn't make everything in your life more difficult. It does, and nobody understands that until he or she experiences it. It's like the constant pain I've carried since my spinal surgery. Nobody understands constant pain until it hits him or her. I'm grateful that it's under control now, managed by medication.
Since this is an eclectic commentary about the arrival of 2008, I have to comment on all the bowl games that college football teams participate after the regular season. There are now 31 of them, and many of them are between teams that won only half their games. When I was younger, a bowl game was a reward for a good season but not any more, and I'm sure it's all about money, money from television. There was a time when there were only 5 bowl games. It's obvious that with so few games, each one meant something, as only the best teams were selected. I've watched very few on tv in the last few years because they're meaningless games between mediocre teams., If you're a real sports fan, you know exactly what I mean.
Probably the most wonderful Christmas gift that we received this year was a $100.00 gift certificate from Manny's Steak House, given to us by my son and his wife. I may have mentioned it before, but there's such a fantastic meal to look forward to that I had to mention it again. I'm going to alter my habit and order a rib eye this time, medium. And with the exquisite mashed potatoes that are served there, I look forward to being a pig again for a very brief time. I probably won't have another steak again for at least 6 months, but I'm going to enjoy this indulgence and certainly think of my son as I chew the tender fare served at Manny's.
I don't make New Year's resolutions any more. Hell, I never kept them more than a week or two anyway. But I am going to try to keep looking forward, anticipating, planning, living each day as it comes and letting life unfold as it will. And if I keep a better attitude, I'm sure I'll post more enjoyable blogs. I'm certainly going to give it a try.
Again, Happy New Year.
One of the things that came out of all this recent uncertainty is that one's life is certainly more easily managed if one has hope, something to look forward to, something to plan for. Now that I'll be working again, I again have that hope. I very grateful for this opportunity at my age. And I'm truly pleased to help remove some of the burden from my wife's shoulders. Her doctor's visit last Friday kept her off work for at least another week, but she's slowly coming around. So, even if she has to work less (if the company will allow it), I'll have income to make up for it.
Don't let anybody every tell you that age doesn't make everything in your life more difficult. It does, and nobody understands that until he or she experiences it. It's like the constant pain I've carried since my spinal surgery. Nobody understands constant pain until it hits him or her. I'm grateful that it's under control now, managed by medication.
Since this is an eclectic commentary about the arrival of 2008, I have to comment on all the bowl games that college football teams participate after the regular season. There are now 31 of them, and many of them are between teams that won only half their games. When I was younger, a bowl game was a reward for a good season but not any more, and I'm sure it's all about money, money from television. There was a time when there were only 5 bowl games. It's obvious that with so few games, each one meant something, as only the best teams were selected. I've watched very few on tv in the last few years because they're meaningless games between mediocre teams., If you're a real sports fan, you know exactly what I mean.
Probably the most wonderful Christmas gift that we received this year was a $100.00 gift certificate from Manny's Steak House, given to us by my son and his wife. I may have mentioned it before, but there's such a fantastic meal to look forward to that I had to mention it again. I'm going to alter my habit and order a rib eye this time, medium. And with the exquisite mashed potatoes that are served there, I look forward to being a pig again for a very brief time. I probably won't have another steak again for at least 6 months, but I'm going to enjoy this indulgence and certainly think of my son as I chew the tender fare served at Manny's.
I don't make New Year's resolutions any more. Hell, I never kept them more than a week or two anyway. But I am going to try to keep looking forward, anticipating, planning, living each day as it comes and letting life unfold as it will. And if I keep a better attitude, I'm sure I'll post more enjoyable blogs. I'm certainly going to give it a try.
Again, Happy New Year.
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